My Story, His Purpose
The journey to writing “Not Alone”…
The carpet kissed my toes with each touch as I pushed off the floor, gliding back and forth in a wooden rocking chair. A blanket of darkness surrounded me in my infant son’s room, while outside, a brilliant sunset beckoned.
The rocking chair had a slight creek with movement, but it was noiseless amid the loud whoosh of the sound machine, drowning out all other sounds as I rocked my fussy infant, praying for him to go to sleep.
After a monumentally hard day of navigating life with a severely colicky baby and his toddler brother, who somehow managed to take all the crying in stride, I was desperate for some relief. My arms were aching, back tight, soul-weary, and tears at the ready, begging me to step away from being a mom for a moment and watch the fading glow of the sun instead of spending another agonizing evening in a dark room, pacing, rocking, and bouncing until my baby boy would fall asleep.
Those days were tough. My heart breaks for the mama I was then, desperate to understand her unhappy baby and help him in any way she could. I never imagined the colic was like the tip of an iceberg, with something much larger lurking beneath the surface.
When my son was eventually diagnosed with the rare genetic syndrome, “William’s Syndrome,” it was quite a shock, and I felt emotions warring within me—relief and grief mingling inside my head and my heart.
The incessant crying we endured from him as a baby made sense post-diagnosis. Although we had clarity, I still felt a range of big emotions.
As we began to grasp the total weight of our child's diagnosis, my heart sank—intellectual and developmental delays, along with possible physical challenges, complications, and additional conditions. On top of that, he would likely never live independently, get married, have children, or experience many of the typical milestones I had once imagined for his future.
Relief for answers was nothing compared to the grief that shattered my heart.
Why him? I’d secretly ask myself. Why us?
Already exhausted and weary, I felt like a formidable mountain had been placed before me, with no way around it. My journey had altered completely, and the path was no longer one I knew how to walk.
Like a foreigner in a new country, I felt alone.
Does that sound or feel familiar? If you’ve ever found yourself going through an unexpected season of hardship or facing a trial you never anticipated, you probably can relate.
As the days and weeks turned into months and a few years flew by, I found myself on the other side of those initial feelings. I had climbed the mountain enough to know that the views were, in fact, incredible, and each step made me stronger than I was before.
And the truth is, I never did any of it alone, no matter how lonely I sometimes felt.
God chiseled the way up and over the mountain, guiding my steps and equipping me for the journey as I walked by faith up a path I’d never traveled.
My unexpected story, from grief to peace, devastation to joy, fear to hope, is not unlike one that you might have faced or are facing now.
God put a calling on my heart to share a message with my readers.
It's a message for those who feel alone.
Those struggling to find joy and peace amid life's challenges.
I wrote this book to comfort those shaken by grief and overwhelmed by fear.
I wrote this book to share my story, which is ultimately His message of hope.
Simply put, that is my why.
I hope you find a hope-filled message as you read it and that no matter what you are going through, you come to know that you are not alone.
No matter what you are facing, He walks with you.
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."
Isaiah 43:2 (NIV)
